Donald Trump's combover cuts ties with Donald Trump
By ONANTZIN News
2015-07-03
Los Angeles, CA -- Donald Trump's downward spiral continued today as his ever-dependable combover announced that it was cutting ties with the real estate giant following his racist comments against Mexicans.
This brings the number of key partners who have dumped Trump to five, including Univision and Macy's, which jumped ship shortly after Trump began his presidential bid by opening his mouth and vomiting on the entire population of Mexican descent.
No other partnership may prove as costly as losing the support of his greñas, however, which have been with him ever since a balding Trump laid eyes on a beautiful country horse with long, luxuriant hair 20 years ago. For Trump, it was the finding of a lifetime, and he wasted no time in plucking the hairdo away from the young horse and bringing it home, where he raised it, nurtured it, and eventually fused with it to form the piece of turd that the world now knows as Donald Trump + the do.
If the figures are correct, it is estimated that Donald Trump's horsehair is what gives the Trump brand about half its self-reported $3.3 billion dollar valuation.
"I just couldn't bare the ridicule and ignorance anymore," stated the hairdo. "The combovers of this generation are associating with the cool, progressive hipsters, while I'm stuck with the impossible task of trying to make this racist asshole look presentable each day."
In response, Trump announced that he has already found a gorgeous donkey with illustrious hair that he will use as a replacement. He also warned his departing hairdo to be on the lookout for a lawsuit, which he will file as soon as his new donkey hair is bleached.