Mildred Baena enlists the help of Mario Almada to protect her from the Terminator
By ONANTZIN News
2011-05-20
Los Angeles, CA -- God knows what outrageous lies Arnold Schwarzenegger told Mildred Baena in order to get her in bed 14 years ago, but according to those close to Mildred, she is convinced that the Sperminator can time travel and is petrified that he will attempt to travel to 1960s Guatemala and kill her before she is born. To prevent that, Mildred Baena is said to be trying to enlist the help of Mario Almada and a day laborer to travel back in time and stop Arnold from wiping her from recorded history.
Mario Almada - who even at his age has more balls than any other Latino - is an obvious choice(we would have chosen him too), but the day laborer is still a bit of a mystery; Reporters at Primer Impacto speculate that his role would be to serve as Mario Almada's sidekick and as a guide, given that he is also from Guatemala. When interviewed, the day laborer said that as long as lunch is provided, he is in [Eso, chingon!].
Reporters from the gossip-filled world of Univision and Telemundo, who have been stalking Mildred, her kids, relatives, pets, friends, and neighbors 24/7, were spotted trying to convince Mildred that time travel is not possible; Two hours later, it seems Mildred managed to convince a few of those reporters that Arnold can indeed time travel and now they say that if Mario Almada goes, they are going to - that way they can cover all the juicy details about the encounter.
They all seem to forget that 1960s Guatemala was a time of civil war, and more than likely, Guatemalan's from that time would disappear the reporters, the day laborer, and even Arnold in a heartbeat. We can't say if they'd be able to handle Mario Almada - when he locks and loads that gun, "es el puro demonio".