Sarah Palin ready to prove she's smarter than a 5th grader
By ONANTZIN News
2011-06-08
Los Angeles, CA -- These past few days, Sarah Palin spent a considerable amount of time defending the accuracy of her remarks regarding Paul Revere's midnight ride - remarks that were, for the most part, erroneous(i.e., out of 10, any school teacher would have given her a 4 at best - 1 point for correct pronounciation, 2 points for getting Paul Revere's name right, and 1 point for trying).
But despite her best efforts to counter the deluge of criticism and merciless mockery from the media, her approval ratings plummeted. According to a Washington Post-ABC poll released Tuesday, 63 percent of people didn't think she was qualified to do anything beyond putting on her shoes, let alone run for president. Another 70 percent said she'd be wise to pull a Houdini and disappear - before embarrassing herself even more.
Even in the face of these latest poll numbers, however, Sarah Palin remains defiant and is convinced she can rebound. To counter the downward spiral in her approval ratings, Palin unveiled a plan during Fox News this morning that she says is guaranteed to impress: She is going to prove to the nation once and for all that she meets the single most important requirement for any potential Republican candidate; she is going to prove that she is smarter than a 5th grader.
If she can complete this Republican rite of passage – the missing achievement she believes has kept her from reaching that next level – the former Alaska governor feels confident that most Republican voters will once again support her.
"In preparation for this monumental moment, I studied several hours a day these past 3 years" said Palin, and added that her hard work was beginning to pay off; she pointed to Robert Allison, a professor and historian at Suffolk University, who said that although Palin stretched Paul Revere's story a bit, on the whole, she got it right. "Just like an optimist would tell a preschooler that he is mostly right when he says 2 plus 2 is 5 - because 5 is right next to 4, I am an optimist and believe Sarah was right – because her story was close enough", said Allison.
"Robert's support means a lot to me, and it shows you that the media is just playing gotcha games with me. His support has inspired and given me confidence to finally take on the challenge of proving that I am smarter than 5th graders", added Palin.
The details of how she would prove to the nation that she's smarter than a 5th grader were not released, but sources close to Palin did hint at a possible special edition of the show "Are you smarter than a 5th grader", where Sarah would make a special appearance and teach those nasty little 5th graders a thing or two in History and Math[You go, girl!].