Copa America tournament renamed Copa Empate-tica by CONMEBOL after lousy performances
By ONANTZIN News
2011-07-22
Buenos Aires -- In a decision that's upset many soccer fanatics, CONMEBOL, the governing body that oversees the beautiful game in the South America, has decided to change the name of the Copa America to the Copa Empate-tica.
The sudden decision comes in response to the unprecedented amount of disappointing empates (draws) in the tournament being played in Argentina.
A spokesperson for CONMEBOL, who wished to remain anonymous due to his fear of Argentine hooligans, claimed that such devastatingly unsatisfying results in this year's Copa America left them no choice.
"They're playing like a bunch of mocosos who play a pick-up game in the alley behind their homes," stated the spokesperson. "If they want to disrespect CONMEBOL in such fashion; then, I say the punishment fits the crime."
The draws that have plagued the tournament have certainly frustrated many soccer fans who were expecting thrilling, well-strategized, and skillfully executed soccer games - or perhaps blowout victories by their favorite teams. But CONMEBOLs decision, the fans say, goes too far.
"Yes, the way these teams have been playing is insulting, but it's nothing new. I think CONMEBOL crossed the line with their decision, and if I had any less sense, I'd round up a few crazy Argentines and start a riot", said a bitter fan through a translator after hearing the news.
With the final to be played on Sunday, it will be interesting to see what transpires. Given that the two teams, Uruguay and Paraguay, share near-identical names, it doesn't bode well for fans who are hoping to see a match that does not justify CONMEBOL's decision(i.e., by ending in ridiculously inaccurate penalty shots).