Osama bin Laden communicates from the afterlife
Says 3 of his 72 virgins are educated Latinas giving him hell
By ONANTZIN News
2011-05-04
Los Angeles, CA -- Undisclosed sources have revealed that 2 days after his death, Osama bin Laden reached out from the afterlife and said that 3 of the 72 virgins awarded to him are educated Latinas, who refuse to do what he says and [rightfully so] have been giving him hell since he got there.
Bin Laden is said to have been delighted to find that he got lucky enough to receive 3 beautiful Latinas included in the virgin-pack he was awarded for his actions on earth. Sources say he was ecstatic and thought that he was getting Latinas who were raised in a traditional, male-dominated, Latin American household, who'd cook, clean, and put up with his numerous flaws; but, to his dismay, he got 3 modern, educated Latinas, who refuse to put up with his unreasonable crap and from day one got on his case about an array of issues.
We were told that each Latina greeted him with a list of similar demands, the first one highlighted and in bold letters stating that he was crazy to think that they'd share a house with the rest of his newly formed family, and so demanded to have each their own house. The second demand was to let him know that each one of them expected to know immediately what his long term plans were. The rest of the demands were not communicated, as Osama was interrupted when a fight broke out between the 3 Latinas and the other virgins. The communication is said to have been disconnected as the fight turned to chaos; the last thing sources say is that they were able to hear one of the Latinas yell out the word "stupid!".
No further communication has been received from Osama bin Laden.