Lost remote control forces Hispanic man to sit through 'Twilight: Eclipse' movie
By ONANTZIN News
2011-08-15
Los Angeles, CA -- Unable to find the DirecTV remote control in his cluttered, junk-ridden room, a Hispanic man from Los Angeles, CA was forced to endure two hours of debilitating, mind-numbing dialogue from the "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" movie.
The potentially incapacitating experience occurred on Sunday evening as local Noah's Bagels worker Juan Lopez took a break from drinking with his buddies to enjoy a casual Movie.
After 15 minutes of searching for the remote through a sea of junk that included random piles of scattered clothes throughout the room, empty snack bags and soda containers, several crappy computer accessories and hard drives, and an assortment of dusty musical instruments, Mr Lopez said he gave up the search and manually turned on the DirecTV, made himself comfortable on his unmade bed, and hoped for the best.
As the TV gradually lit up, it revealed two teens having an excruciatingly dull, lifeless conversation. According to Mr Lopez, by the time he realized what he was watching, it was too late.
The monotonous, dribbling dialogue from "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" zapped Mr Lopez into a hypnotic state of dumbness. Had he had the remote control within reach, Mr Lopez would have been able to muster enough energy to change the channel, but with no remote in sight, getting up and changing the channel became an insurmountable task.
Within seconds of watching the movie, he had lost all sense of existence and fell into a mindless state, where he remained for the rest of the movie.
He finally regained his senses when the movie ended, but he reported feeling disoriented for the rest of the day.
A precautonary, self-diagnosis on Google Monday morning revealed that Mr Lopez was lucky to have come out of the experience without any major side effects.
According to Google, his experience is not unique among Hispanics in the United States. Each yeah, dozens of Hispanics are permanently damaged by these types of movies that are made exclusively for white teens, never fully regaining their sanity.
Friends and relatives agreed that Mr Lopez was fortunate to have regained all his senses. As for Mr Lopez, he said that next time he gets ready for a movie, he is going to make sure the remote control is by his side.