Herman Cain seeks sexual harassment advice from Kobe Bryant
By ONANTZIN News
2011-11-15
Miami, FL -- Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain's campaign is trying enlisted the aid of fellow all-time sexual-harassment-pro Kobe Bryant to help Cain deal with the sexual harassment allegations brought against him by not one but three women, according to Fox News.
Though he is not the first prominent politician to become embroiled in a sex scandal, Cain has indisputably been the first to dig himself a hole big enough that only a professional "cleaner" such as Kobe Bryant can help get him out of.
It all began with the sexual harassment accusations two weeks ago, when three unrelated women claimed that Herman Cain had offered them some of his organic dark-chocolate while he was still president of the National Restaurant Association.
At first, Cain denied the allegations outright – thinking perhaps that the problem would go away. Then, when evidence surfaced that Cain had tried to reach a settlement with the women, Cain ramped up the denial by claiming such evidence did not exist, calling the accusations completely baseless. Cain was then presented with photos and documents clearly showing that he had tried to settle with the Women, but Cain countered again, this time by accusing the media of photoshopping the documents and images.
Enter two computer scientists, who were brought into the mix to authenticate the photos. They discovered that the images were authentic, but, yet again, Cain brushed off the revelation... how? by suggesting that the person in the photos was none other than his twin brother. Finally – yes, finally – after being reminded that he does not have a twin brother, Cain had no choice but to untangle his web of lies – or so everyone thought: facing a group of journalists, Cain came as close as he ever will to admitting that the sexual harassment allegations are true by saying, "Who the hell are you to tell me I don't have a twin brother? Get the hell out of here... someone get me Kobe Bryant on the phone".
There has been no word on whether Bryant has agreed to assist Cain. The basketball superstar handled his own sexual abuse case so gracefully, no one seems to remember or even care about it anymore. Yet, for that same reason, he might not be willing to associate himself with such vile matters, so as not to remind people of his past.
In any regard, it is unlikely that any words of advice given by the basketball star could salvage Cain’s political image, especially now that new, more detrimental, allegations have begun to surface accusing Herman Cain of being a moron.