Mario Almada's unlimited-ammo gun goes up for auction on eBay
By ONANTZIN News
2012-07-31
Los Angeles, CA -- After months of speculation, legendary Mexican gunman Mario Almada announced that his epic .44 Magnum revolver has been put up for auction on eBay.
The news comes after countless rumors of secret meetings and back-door deals between Mario Almada and several hi-profile players who failed to secure the gun before it went on sale to the public. Among them is believed to have been the head of the NRA, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un, and the Russians.
Considered by many to be the eighth wonder of the world, the gun gained notoriety in the early 1970s after rumors began surfacing that Mario Almada never reloaded during any of his gun battles.
Over the years, countless videos captured by amateur Mexican filmmakers would prove those rumors true.
Easily found on YouTube nowadays, the vintage footage of Mario Almada (always avenging his inept brother) shows a vindictive, terminator-like Mario Almada shooting at anyone within a one mile radius -- wiping out entire bars, obliterating pool halls, and decimating whole towns -- without reloading a single time.
In the most famous video footage, captured in 1982 by a Mexican crew filming a movie, Mario Almada and his gun engage in a 30 minute shootout against a machine gun, prevailing at the end when the machine gun runs out of bullets.
Such is the legacy of Mario Almada's gun, experts predict that in the past 50 years, the gun has been not only responsible for sending thousands of Mexican criminals, crooked politicians, and innocent bystanders to their graves, but also responsible for reducing Mexico's population growth to 0 between 1975 and 1982.
Forged in the remote mountains of Chihuahua, Mexico and blessed by the devil himself, the gun is estimated to be worth more than the US national debt to China, according to Forbes magazine.
Although no one knows why he chose to auction the gun until now, those close to Mario Almada say it could be because he lost all his savings during a drunken poker match last year and, unfortunately, had previously signed a document swearing that he wasn't going to kill anyone if he lost.
Among those bidding on eBay is the National Institute of Physicists, which is making a strong push to buy the gun so they can figure out how the hell it is that it never needs to be reloaded. Their initial hypothesis is that it has something to do with solar power.
If all goes well, Mario Almada can expect to become the wealthiest Mexican overnight, surpassing Carlos Slim by several billion.
Bids close at 10am tomorrow.