Mexican border officials concerned that recent gun violence in the U.S. could spill over into Mexico
By ONANTZIN News
2012-08-31
Mexico City, MX -- In light of the recent mass-shootings in the United States, Mexico's border enforcement agency is tightening security along the US-Mexico border in an effort to keep America's senseless gun violence from crossing over into the country.
As part of this new initiative, any American entering Mexico by land or air will now need to undergo a psychological evaluation to assess his or her (but mainly his) sanity -- a necessary procedure, say Mexican border officials, to ensure that the visiting American will not go on a nutty shooting spree in Mexico.
The evaluation will be administered by trained psychologists, who will test incoming Americans to determine the individual's mental health; the exam will filter for feelings of blind rage, misguided anger, irrational thoughts, and frivolous frustration (conditions which Mexican Psychologists speculate affect a large percentage of the American population, especially those who watch Fox news).
As a precautionary measure, Americans who manage to pass the psychological test will be given an ounce of marijuana to help them relax while in Mexico. Those staying in the country for more than a few days will be eligible to receive up to a quarter pound of marijuana, just to make sure they have enough to last them their entire trip.
The marijuana will be procured through a new partnership between the Mexican government and Mexico's drug cartels, which are concerned that American-style shooting sprees in Mexico could hurt business by bringing unnecessary attention to the country.
Those who Mexican border authorities deem a risk to the Mexican public will be fingerprinted and denied entrance. Any attempt by them to sneak into Mexico will result in immediate deportation, with possible imprisonment of up to six months for repeat offenders.
"We can't afford to have mindless Americans shooting Mexicans for no reason what-so-ever," stated Mexico's Homeland Security president Gerardo Rivera. "If any Mexican is going to get shot, it's going to be by a Mexican -- most likely connected to the drug cartels, sure -- but dammit, that person will have at-least died for a reason, be it a territorial dispute or a debt owed."
In July and August of this year, mass-shootings in Aurora, Colorado and Oak Creek, Wisconsin left 19 people dead and over 60 injured, bringing the number of gun related mass-murders in the US to 11 for the year.
The incidents drew immediate criticism from the Mexican government, which stated that it would take precautionary measures to protect its citizens.
While it is estimated that drug related violence in Mexico easily kills over 19 people every 4 hours, Mexican authorities say that there is simply no comparison because the drug related deaths in their country have a reasonable explanation that authorities and grieving relatives can understand.
American psychopaths shooting people for no apparent reason, now that's something that Mexicans can't comprehend and want nothing to do with.